Exploring the Gay Marriage Issue: Marriage and Truth April 2004

Rebekah and Tom are getting married this month. Rebekah is petite and blond. Tom is tall, dark, and...(You know the rest!) Both are strong Catholics, and they are looking forward to forming a family together. All their friends and families will be at the wedding.

Maybe you have thought at least once about what your own wedding will be like and about what type of person you will marry.

President Bush, in his recent State of the Union address, spoke about the need to protect the "sanctity of marriage". What did he mean by this term, and why does it need to be protected?

There are some who want to change and redefine the whole meaning of marriage to include homosexual relationships. In this lesson, we will discuss the essentials of marriage and the efforts being made by some groups to change the definition of marriage.

Marriage and common sense

Most of us know what marriage is without even thinking about it. But, since some people are now proposing something different, it is important that we do not become confused.

Marriage is the most important relationship between human beings. It is not just any relationship between human beings, but is a special type of union between a man and a woman. It is the most fulfilling of human relationships, and it is the way that we pass on life and values from one generation to the next.¹

A gift to each other

Marriage is based on the love between a man and a woman. In real married love a man and a woman give themselves totally to each other in a way that binds them for life and allows them to give life to new human beings. A simple way to say this is that marriage (and sex) is for bonding and babies.

The bride and groom bond in love precisely because each adds something special and different to each other. The difference in their personalities and in their physical characteristics shows how they are a gift to each other. This adding of something beautiful and different is called complementarity .²

One letter from a husband to his wife perhaps expresses this complementarity well.

"I remember those tentative early overtures when neither knew the other's heart and words merely echoed the hollow safety of banter. Then the magical progression, neither knowing why, to the stage where ...each somehow knew that there had been a discovery. What had been discovered was the rest of one's self." ³

This husband also expresses his wonder at how their bond has helped them create and raise another human being who is a fruit and living expression of their love.

"Each new child a proof of our love for each other. Each new child a share in the mystery of creation...Parenthood convinced us of the necessity of complementing each other. We each had found someone, but now we must become someone who could augment the other." ⁴

Aren't homosexual unions similar to marriage?

Can a comparison be made between marriage and homosexual civil unions , just because they are both types of relationships between two people? Well, most of us realize that homosexual unions are not really marriage. The most essential elements of marriage are missing: homosexual unions are not between a man and a woman; they involve a selfish use of our sexual faculties; they cannot truly make babies. Saying that marriage is also a union of homosexuals misses what real marriage is about. ⁵

Love the person. Reject the evil.

We can never despise homosexual persons nor discriminate against them. ⁶ Men and women with homosexual tendencies must be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity. Not all those who suffer from this tendency are personally responsible for it. But this does not mean that homosexual acts are right, and should be protected by law. Making homosexual unions equivalent to marriage would approve and promote actions that are intrinsically disordered. It is like saying "I think that people should not lie, but, since liars are people too, we should have a law that protects lying."  

A campaign against values

A battle has arisen, however, because there are groups who are using the homosexual issue to attack solid human values. They are hoping that people with common sense about right and wrong, especially Christians, do not defend their values. Allowing selfish values to prevail has led to many problems in our society, including abortion, a huge increase broken families, a greater neglect of children, and so forth. It has deeply damaged and even destroyed some things that are the real foundations of society. Without foundations, people's hearts and their lives become more and more broken. Real marriage is one of these foundations without which society begins to crumble.

No right or wrong?

Some people say that there is no absolute right and wrong. They say that right and wrong is different for each person, depending on one's feelings, culture, or genetic makeup. This is called relativism , because for these people there are no absolutes; everything is relative to the way one feels.

People of sound thought have always opposed relativism because it leads to the abuse of human dignity (slavery, political oppression, abortion, etc.). If everyone is allowed to do whatever they want, even if it is wrong, eventually the wrong will damage everyone. If you have ever seen a bully that no dares to oppose, you will understand what this means. The Pope warns us that a culture that does not respect the truth will become cruel. ⁷ The Church tells us strongly about the dangers of relativism today.⁸ We need to develop an ability to recognize relativism, and stand up for objective right and wrong in our own lives and in society around us.

The proposal to approve homosexual marriage is one example of relativism that will damage our society.

"When the saints go marching in" ...to the closet?

The majority of people actually disapprove of homosexual marriages. Survey after survey has shown this.

However, there are some powerful people who say that Christians should not impose their values on other people. This sounds reasonable, yet these same people are working very hard so that their values and choices (abortion, homosexual marriage, etc.) are protected by law. This is very important to realize. These activists realize that, even in a democracy, somebody's values are going to prevail.

The Church is often in a strange position today, as one of the few organizations that are not afraid to say the obvious: some things are gravely wrong for every human being and making them legal will tell people those things are right. Although this may be simple, common sense, it is an unpopular truth, and so it takes courage to stand up against the loud, popular voices. This is one reason why many people see the Church as a miracle today, and are attracted to her.

Courage to stand up

Many Catholics have been convinced of the truth and beauty of Christian values, and have done great things in this country to help the good of all. But there have also been many Catholics, even some in important positions, who have been ashamed of what they stand for. They have hidden or gone against their values in politics, in the highest courts of our land, in entertainment, in the news media, in business, and in all other fields. Instead of helping to build society with good values they have caved in to other ideas.

Politicians have the right to decide on their own about matters that do not have to do with basic morality. But the Church reminds Catholic politicians clearly "no Catholic can support policies which compromise or undermine fundamental ethical values." ⁹

Moral values make society better. In large part these values often rely on Christians who will defend them courageously, not just in politics, but each person in the part they play in society, as a student, teacher, family member, neighbor, parishioner, citizen, etc. Each person is challenged to live and act in a way that upholds and defends basic moral values. This is "the way in which Christians offer their concrete contribution so that, through political life, society will become more just and more consistent with the dignity of the human person." ¹⁰ 

¹ Cfr. Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions between Homosexual Persons, 2003, number 2.

² Ibid, number 3.

³ Eugene Diamond, M.D., The Large Family, A Blessing and a Challenge, Ignatius Press, 1996, p.12

⁴ Ibid, p.13

⁵ Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions between Homosexual Persons, no. 4

⁶ Ibidem

⁷ Cfr. Pope John Paul II, The Splendor of Truth, 1993, number 101.

⁸ Cfr. Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Doctrinal Note on Some Questions Regarding the Participation of Catholics in Political Life, numbers 2 & 3.

⁹ Ibid, number 5

¹⁰ ibid , no. 7

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